Moving!

Due to the better support of Wordpress on the iPad, I'm moving this blog there. You can look us up at:

onemomonegirlbiglife.wordpress.com

Thanks!

The One Girl, Big Life

This  face is worth everything in my world. I'm not a super mom, and I swear if I ever started acting like Donna Reed, Lilith would have me locked up. This picture was snapped in New York City at the Macy's Christmas windows. It is priceless.

I never knew we could make it as far as we did. Without the kindness in our lives, we never would have.     Pittsburgh is not a gigantic city. It is the most livable, and the most charitable in the country. It is also a city that cares enough about it's children, that all children in the Public School system are given free meals, free summer camp, and services that would otherwise cost parents a fortune. No questions asked. For me it's bliss. To see Lilith so happy.

The important topic of discussion for us these days is grace. I tell her we are graced, and she should be aware of that. She has a phenomenal memory, and remembers days we were not so lucky. No jobs, no rent, no means of living and no end in sight. Strange people in and out of our lives, some good, some not so good. No matter what covers they came in. Some of the kindest people were the scariest looking, and some of the cruelest were 'the best family' in town. What an education to have before the age of six. So I know I can approach the topic of life and it's ups and downs. Which leads to the topics of independence and interdependence.

We depend on the people in our life right now. Every one of my circle of friends knows that above all else Lilith needs childcare. When my housemates are not available, my workmates will take her. They all are my close friends, and we attract new people. Lilith has no problem establishing her relationships. She is also a child that is genuinely interested in what you are doing and thinking. Her compassion is only extended on one premise. Don't leave. Which is my cue to start in about independence.

I tell her, people change, life changes, this could all fall apart tomorrow. And I don't feel that is too much for her to hear. It is the reality that shatters the princess ideal, that they all lived happily ever after. To be independent, you need to be realistic. And nothing feels better, than standing on your own two feet. Then you will find people depend on you. She likes to be the leader, so she needs to learn how to be independent. We watch a lot of Firefly. Anything I can get my hands on to teach her. To remind myself as well.

She knows what it is to fail and that it's okay. Failing is a lesson on it's own. She's sat in the mess with me, watched me pick it all up, put it back together into something better. Something greater. Something called today. We break rules. Statistics. Mainly statistics put out by people that have no idea. Common belief of a single parent is that we raise children that are low income and therefore low educated. It's bullshit, so to wear the "I'm the single mother of a gifted child" shirt will be an outright brag. Just because I can. Yes...I am that jerk. Single parent means nothing...shitty parent is an equal opportunity employer. Anyone can do it...even in pairs.

To hear Lilith explain word for word what 'gifted' really means is the beginnings of a dissertation. 'I'm not smarter than anyone, and I can get bad grades just like anyone. I just see things differently. That's all. I am better at things, but not better than people.' Okay, I fed that to her out of a book I'm reading. I make sure she has a defense, because the dark side of the human condition is that people will not celebrate with you. They'll pettily find ways to shit on you. If she is armed with something educated to say, the blow of stupidity from said stupid people sound exactly like that - stupid. The day I posted about Lilith's tests and hard work, my favorite creeper posted a line from the Tudors "we forgive him for he is genius - whatever that means." I love my creepers. They give new meaning to the word retarded....

It's a Big Life. And we can do anything we want. So can you...believe it!

And here's the song I play for Lilith. A lot.



Pink's a new mom....she knows the scoop....

Good days everyone...

I love when Starbucks gives me free music...

Blood On My Hands

I love finding new music. My obsession with music, is the core of my art. Keren Ann 101 is one of those albums that I'll play over and over. It's hypnotic and nightmarish. I love it. On with the story...

One of the first things my Aunt Carol said to Lilith when she laid her eyes on my newborn was "Stick with your momma, you'll see the whole world." My family was very aware of my need to see it all. I think when people witness my feeble attempts at being a community girl, they know disaster is near. It's not my thing, unless one day, Lilith wants it to be. I'll make my best attempt...in Arizona. On a pot farm.

Since we launched out of Johnstown in 2008, I've been formulating the life we want to live. If you know me you know the list of places (including another pit stop in the mountain...duh) we've been. Moving on. We've been in Pittsburgh for three years now, and it's gone so fast. I spent very little time crawling out of the pit I fell in, and spent more time focusing on doing, and living. We celebrated our new life in Disney 2010, and finally felt it was over. I burned a hundred bridges, and I would do it all over again. I think of the foot I would still allow myself to be pinned under and I shiver. I play Keren Ann (or the latest obsession), and laugh about the world's tallest midget. Laughter is what got us here. And then I turned forty...

I love it.

There is an unloading of irrational hope, impractical self views, and abominable unnecessary guilt. This is how it went for me at least. I hope it goes as well for those of you who haven't gotten there yet. When drama strikes, I am the  emotionally detached person in the room. (I try anyway) I am out to accomplish one thing. To die having not the most toys, but the most fun. My next goal is cougar...why not?

Lilith is all about her princess parties, bff's, and girl secrets. She is adorable enough to be a snake charmer, and yet smart enough to spot one. I know she is well rounded and aware, she plays Pocket God and names all of her Pygmies after her bullies and people that abandoned her. She enjoys killing all of them. She also has a heightened sense of reality, so she knows not to really kill people. (I hope?)She knows zombies aren't real, but still has a Louisville Slugger she calls 'zombie killer' There is a list of things Lilith can do, and it works out, since most of it is stuff I can't.

I'm joining the PTO. It's a big deal. Only because Lilith asked. Well, partially because I want to teach drama class again too. It's been a long time. I am teaching adults this week. Making a show, inspiring people, some things don't change...