Blood On My Hands

I love finding new music. My obsession with music, is the core of my art. Keren Ann 101 is one of those albums that I'll play over and over. It's hypnotic and nightmarish. I love it. On with the story...

One of the first things my Aunt Carol said to Lilith when she laid her eyes on my newborn was "Stick with your momma, you'll see the whole world." My family was very aware of my need to see it all. I think when people witness my feeble attempts at being a community girl, they know disaster is near. It's not my thing, unless one day, Lilith wants it to be. I'll make my best attempt...in Arizona. On a pot farm.

Since we launched out of Johnstown in 2008, I've been formulating the life we want to live. If you know me you know the list of places (including another pit stop in the mountain...duh) we've been. Moving on. We've been in Pittsburgh for three years now, and it's gone so fast. I spent very little time crawling out of the pit I fell in, and spent more time focusing on doing, and living. We celebrated our new life in Disney 2010, and finally felt it was over. I burned a hundred bridges, and I would do it all over again. I think of the foot I would still allow myself to be pinned under and I shiver. I play Keren Ann (or the latest obsession), and laugh about the world's tallest midget. Laughter is what got us here. And then I turned forty...

I love it.

There is an unloading of irrational hope, impractical self views, and abominable unnecessary guilt. This is how it went for me at least. I hope it goes as well for those of you who haven't gotten there yet. When drama strikes, I am the  emotionally detached person in the room. (I try anyway) I am out to accomplish one thing. To die having not the most toys, but the most fun. My next goal is cougar...why not?

Lilith is all about her princess parties, bff's, and girl secrets. She is adorable enough to be a snake charmer, and yet smart enough to spot one. I know she is well rounded and aware, she plays Pocket God and names all of her Pygmies after her bullies and people that abandoned her. She enjoys killing all of them. She also has a heightened sense of reality, so she knows not to really kill people. (I hope?)She knows zombies aren't real, but still has a Louisville Slugger she calls 'zombie killer' There is a list of things Lilith can do, and it works out, since most of it is stuff I can't.

I'm joining the PTO. It's a big deal. Only because Lilith asked. Well, partially because I want to teach drama class again too. It's been a long time. I am teaching adults this week. Making a show, inspiring people, some things don't change...